Mayhem and a Moscow Mule

 I had a few days this week where I woke up and I was just grumpy. SO GRUMPY. For no particular reason at all but I was not in the mood to life. I was like a tornado in a trailer park just ready to cause disaster everywhere I roamed. Could it be the alcohol I gave up during the week? Stress from not being able to get enough done in a day? An ever changing schedule? Who knows but I made myself go quietly sit in my house with a cup of coffee and chill out after chores. An adult time out if you will. I tried to pinpoint what was causing such an upset and even asked the dogs their thoughts to no avail. Regardless, I grabbed a couple of Biscoff cookies that I'm obsessed with and meandered back to the farm.  I then dragged the indoor arena. It's my silly mental morning cleanse that I do religiously every morning. I let the grumpy thoughts drift away as I drove in my many perfect circles and straight lines. With every day-old hoof track covered, I felt the weight of stress lift off ...

 Sipping on my lavender tea tonight after a night quiet weekend away. I found what I was searching for while I was there at least and that was time. Time to catch my breath after a few weeks that felt like they were done at a Kentucky Derby gallop. I never had time. Time to breathe, time to enjoy or time to catch up. I was behind on everything from the medical bills of my super fun surgery in December to what I had planned for each sales horse this year, I just never had a spare moment to borrow to get it done. I was so busy trying to stay a nose ahead in the race. But I'm not always sure what I'm rushing toward and even what race I'm sprinting in. Do you ever have those stupid tasks that you avoid like the plague that you eventually have to do? And then when you do it-it doesn't even take that long but you never can seem to just do it right away? That's folding socks from clean laundry or organizing and paying bills for me. Socks are irritating because everyone...

 When I was just a young Padawan, I spent many hours picking grapes for the delightful wine my dad would spend hours making. Although I didn't think it was tasty at the time as I was just a kid and not aware of such delights. I sure did love picking grapes though. It was so thrilling to see a bundle way up high in a tree and having to be lifted up in the tractor platform to get the perfect, juicy grapes. Once you were up high you could see how many perfect bundles were up there just waiting to be discovered! It was like finding a gold mine! We would pick so many that our hands would turn bright purples and reds and we would joke that it looked like we killed someone. You know, normal family stuff. The family that murders together stays together and all that. We would fill grocery bag upon grocery bag piled high with the grapes that nature provided. It's amazing how many wild grapes grow out here on the farm fence lines. We would return to the farm elated with our haul and sore ...

 I was taking a toasty hot shower tonight since it was freezing cold today and I was chilled to the core. I glanced around at the menagerie of items that fill up every nook and cranny of my shower and it reminded me of the people I'm surrounded by. Each item has it's own important use and needs to be there much like the people in my life. All the friends I have in my circle serve their own purpose-some friends are comforters, others force you to be stronger, some are always ready to go out and have fun, a few know all of your secrets and a very slim few know all of your weaknesses and ugly sides. The beauty of friends and relationships with people is that they age like a fine wine when tended to properly. And I sure do like wine. Friendships need to be maintained much like house plants do. Except I do an absolute shit job keeping succulents alive. However I have a theory on that- Brace yourself. Succulents provide zero fruit and are therefor more decorative than anything. Hence...

 We have all had those days-you know the ones. It's cold and damp out, the sun refuses to shine and you just can't find it in you to feel inspired.  For me, that was today. Just the Mondayest Monday ever. Insert coffee meme here. I couldn't get enthused about riding or even teaching. I dreamed of being anywhere but where I stood.  My phone was blowing up regarding our upcoming show schedule and other things I didn't want to think about it. How can I even imagine a fun filled show without Darby and Kelly at it? They were half the fun. But I made myself push through the fog. You can't create good horses and riders without turning up EVERY.DAMN.DAY. You just have to keep showing up and being better no matter how much of a pity party you would rather have instead. Woe is me-I get it. I'm not much of a griever. I give myself the appropriate amount, but I'm a lone wallower. I don't think that's even a word. But it's me. Regardless-I showed up.  I swung...

It's been a long day.   How did I even get to this point?  It's a question I've been asking myself since Friday when we were putting Darby down at the Equine Hospital. Just hours ago my biggest concern was rearranging my riding lessons so I could tend to Lucas' needs of getting his wisdom teeth out. You know-Wifely duties. And now I was here. Balling my eyes out ugly crying to a horse, who hated my very existence, who was upside down on a surgical table. I feel like I've been at this point before. Doing something menial and then BAM, I'm putting down a horse. Like, is this my routine now? Ugh, I'm saying like now. Anyway, the horse is always loved by everyone, uber talented, sourced and trained by me and then unexpectedly dies of something that they've 'never seen before.' I would give my left arm to never hear that stupid phrase ever again. EVER. You know how whenever something dies, you lose a little bit with them? I just feel like I'm slow...