Motivationless Monday

 We have all had those days-you know the ones. It's cold and damp out, the sun refuses to shine and you just can't find it in you to feel inspired.  For me, that was today. Just the Mondayest Monday ever. Insert coffee meme here. I couldn't get enthused about riding or even teaching. I dreamed of being anywhere but where I stood.  My phone was blowing up regarding our upcoming show schedule and other things I didn't want to think about it. How can I even imagine a fun filled show without Darby and Kelly at it? They were half the fun. But I made myself push through the fog. You can't create good horses and riders without turning up EVERY.DAMN.DAY. You just have to keep showing up and being better no matter how much of a pity party you would rather have instead. Woe is me-I get it. I'm not much of a griever. I give myself the appropriate amount, but I'm a lone wallower. I don't think that's even a word. But it's me. Regardless-I showed up.

 I swung onto that first horse and vowed to give him my best self because it's not his fault I'm a crabapple today. And you know what? That horse was great today. The next one was even better. I have to think they know when something is amiss and that they need to go about their way to help you get through what ails you. Horses are incredible healers.  I rode 5 today and for a few hours, I wasn't sad, I was just a girl who loved riding horses. It was so peaceful to be in routine. And I'm a real whore for routine.

 

I never got to take that walk up the hill to see my boys today. I did walk up that hill to check fence though so I said hi to them as I wandered along searching for the reason Malaicha once again crawled through the fence. It wasn't quite what I was looking for but I did take a moment to look at the farm from the hill and appreciate it's beauty. Not many people get to say that the barn sanctuary is their home. And what a view it is. It's quiet flat areas slowly become grand rolling hills that settle into comforting woods. There's always a herd of deer lurking somewhere to scare the bejesus out of every unsuspecting young horse. You can't pay for a rodeo ride like that one. Nothing aggressively reminds you to sit back the way a whirling thoroughbred who recently decided to pursue his dreams of become a reining horse does. I kind of enjoy that thrill. It might be the thrill of nearly being bucked off or runaway with but we all get our jollies somehow! And then someday that same once squirrelly young horse is now a reliable show horse that hacks out alone. It's easy to focus on the destination and forget the journey with them. We all just want to go to shows and jump things, but you stop appreciating how super they were over their first cross rail or how they were so brave into the water. Hell, even getting a right lead the first time! Those are the real moments I cherish the most. The breakthroughs. 

So that's where I'm at today. I'm taking my racehorse blinders off, slowing my roll and taking a look around. I'm learning to appreciate the small things like where I've been and where I'm headed. I don't always know my destination, but I'm moving forward. Never backward. Even on a Monday that needed more caffeine and a dollop of sunshine, I'm trudging on, healing.