Opportunity came Calling

 It’s 12:30am and I’m wide awake. I can’t sleep. I’m too excited for my journey ahead. It’s been an unusual and tough past few weeks of running around from here to there. Always seeming like everyone needs a piece of me or something from me and there’s just not enough me to go around. I was getting grouchy and antsy and tough. But some big things have happened and now I’m feeling jittery with excitement.                         

The first thing to occur was buying some new off the track thoroughbreds for my program. It was stressful however because I’m not usually looking to buy in the middle of show season. There’s too much happening and I don’t have the time or money to shop and really look into the important details. Luckily for me, I decided to lean on some friends this time around who were more than happy to go shopping with my check book and find just what I was looking for. And now I’ve got a super sassy mare and a very quiet gelding. I thought I was all set and ready to get to work. But then, just as I was headed to coach a student schooling some cross country, I received the most unexpected phone call. A very trusted friend and rider had a horse they were done showing and didn’t have time for. Mind you this horse has done many impressive things in his career.  He was wondering if I wanted to take over the reins to learn, have some fun and hopefully get a crack at some real goals on his horse, Little Hail. I was legit speechless at first which is wild for me as I always have something to say. I couldn’t believe it. Someone wants to trust me with their most prized thing in life? Me? It was a lot to take in. I admit as soon as I hung up explaining I needed to think it over, I burst into tears. It was an incredibly emotional moment for me. Just when you are sure all the doors have closed on some big goals for a long time, a huge opportunity came along through a side window. It’s terrifying if I think about it too long honestly. What if this happens or that? What if the horse hates how I ride or doesn’t want to work for me? What if’s clouded my judgement for a bit and had me overwhelmed until I talked to Lucas and he was all for it. This shocked me considering I had just told him that I bought 2 horses and now I want to lease one. But Lucas often surprises me and his support never waivers. I shouldn’t really be shocked anymore. 

So the next day I decided to do it. I’m taking the risk because I have so much to learn and I feel like I have so many skills just collecting dust on the shelf. Patiently Awaiting their turn to be used again. I didn’t tell a lot of people for the first few days. I still needed it all to sink in. See if it was true and if either myself or the horse’s owner-John-would overthink it and change our minds. It’s a lot of responsibility and stress to take on. I thought of all the expectations and it made me want to freak out a bit. 

Then today came and a wise coach said “F*** all this expectations and just enjoy the ride” and how right she was. I don’t need to be in a rush. I’m not here to prove anything to anyone. I finally feel that little chill in my heart from brokenness start to thaw a bit. Like my soul feels ignited. I’m excited about me again and damn if it hasn’t been awhile since I’ve felt that. I nearly didn’t recognize it. The thrill of chasing dreams and the unexpected. Don’t get me wrong-there’s a tough road up ahead. Trust to be gained and conversations to be had. But this time I don’t have to hurry it along to get the horse sold. It’s just for me to work on for me. I also have these incredible new baby horses who get the benefit of an excited version of me that will be full of life and fresh with ideas. Skills will be honed and put to use. And I can’t wait!

That frustration I’ve felt from being pulled in every direction feels a little less daunting tonight. It will still be there, but knowing there’s something just for me out there waiting makes it all a little more palatable. I feel focused and ready to charge forth. I’m giddy with excitement and anticipation! And my mini event is coming up! It’s my own personal baby that I coddle. I want it to be the best mini event of the year.  Fun and educational yet challenging and encouraging. It’s a daunting mix but I’m confident I can have her up to par. Its in just 2 weeks and I live to hear about how excited people are to come and show! I sure love my farm and I enjoy sharing it with others .

With all these things coming up, it’s no wonder I can’t sleep! It’s like there’s fireworks inside me and they're ready to go off! I know people say I deserve this or I’m lucky to have this but I don’t know. I think we all work hard and I think I’m just especially too stubborn or stupid to quit. My thick skull just doesn’t hear no. The beatings of life can’t keep me down. I just keep getting up and looking for the next glimmer of light in life because that’s just who I am. Ever seeking goodness in life and in anticipation. 

I suppose I should try to sleep again even though it feels like I tried bull riding for the first time after drinking a whole pot of coffee. I’m so jittery. But tomorrow is a Monday and it waits for no one. Weak souls get consumed by Monday’s and I’m not about that life,. So sleep will eventually come, but know that I’m like a little kid on Christmas morning and I can’t wait to play with my new toys and it's only June!