All In A Day's Work

 Life doesn't always pan out the way we think it should, does it? Just when you think you have it all figured out, life throws a wrench in the works and all things go a muck. You find yourself on your bum with your jaw hanging to the floor and scraped elbows asking yourself how you got there. Or maybe that's just me. I've had some incredible past few months. Incredible in their successes and the misses. I don't like to call them failures because I learn from them. Just as I don't believe in bad days, but only poor moments. Life is perspective and one must choose have the glass half full or half empty. I'm a glass half full kind of girl and I like a rather large glass. Preferably a large wine glass or Moscow mule mug, but hey-that's just me.

This awful spring sure made things tough here on the farm. I did my best to immerse myself in the day to day with the horses and look forward to my planned show schedules of ones I planned to attend and the ones I host but good Lord, the rainy cold weather sure put a damper on things. Get it? DAMP-er? Hahaha, I will be here all night folks. Day after day of the cold made it hard to get excited to ride and teach. I actually got to the point where I was thrilled if someone had to cancel and I could go hibernate in my house. For some reason, I craved/crave lightly salted nuts constantly and crappy weather makes me want to binge eat them which my stomach does not appreciate. January went into February and then into March and we were planning the big Florida trip. Hail managed not only to hurt himself lightly once but then a vaccine reaction was the final nail in the coffin that kept us from going. We were so darn ready but a large lump that has to be lanced open will take priority over you big plans. That and who wants to wash sand out of an open wound? So, off I drove my mom down to Florida while the kind ladies at the barn looked after Hail while I was gone for the week. To say my show goals for the year have been altered would be putting it gently.

I have to say however, I was incredibly proud of how I handled it all in stride. Did it suck? Absolutely. But after I got the news, I went and ugly cried alone complete with dripping snot and a little hyperventilating and then I calmly unpacked the trailer and regrouped. Determined not to ruin everyone else's energy and excitement for Florida, I emotionally ate some lemon bars and shoved my feelings under a delightful bottle of wine and paddled forth. I didn't lessen anyone's joy and came up with a plan for how to get Hail on the mend. The trip ended up being like a mini vacation for me since I didn't have a horse to show. All in all, not the worst. I saved money and didn't have to pay for gas on the way down. Thoughts of opening a brothel in downtown Plymouth to pay for fuel crossed our minds.

To say I have a force of a support staff is an understatement. It's always the tough times when people can really pull through for you. I had so many people doing care for Hail and my other horses while I was gone that it made it easy to be gone. It really does take a village to raise these horses which I've heard is similar to raising children. Self destructive little idiots with death sentences. The feeling of defeat I had the other day was nearly my doing in however. I have 1 horse I can't figure out what to do with, 1 to get sold here, 1 in Florida yet to sell and another 2 I want to campaign and show all summer. Too much on my plate is how I live my life except right now it feels like I'm at Thanksgiving with just a teacup as my plate. There's just not enough room for all the good stuff. And it's only April. You would think with turning 30 this year that I would be smarter than this, but some of us are just slow learners I guess. With the busy season coming, I need a lot less happening before more starts happening.

And since I'm turning 30, many people recently in my family and otherwise have taken the unnecessary opportunity to remind me that I am childless. Apparently it's in my best interest to adopt IMMEDIATELY or I will turn into a crochety little gremlin whose life will be incomplete and full of what ifs. McScuse me? I'm happily over here living my uterus free life, not bothering a soul and yet allegedly that's a crime because what-it's my job as a woman? How about you pleasantly f*** off and mind your own? My husband and I are perfectly content not having any kids. Why do some act as though that's unheard of or unacceptable? We have plenty of friends without kids as well who have full lives and they are also tired of being harassed!! I know it's an older generation thing and back in their day, having a whole herd of children was trendy, but no longer. We have student loans to pay and enjoy the opportunities we have that aren't limited by having kids depending on us. Do I think I'd make a good parent? Sure. Am I even remotely interested in taking that on? Not a chance. That also doesn't make me selfish-it makes me aware of what I want in life. If I turn into a gremlin, it won't be due to lack of offspring. It will be due to paying too many vet and farrier bills in the course of a single lifetime. I don't need a child to take care of me at the end of my days-that's Lucas' job. And if not him, hopefully I meet Jesus. Until then, I'm not going to worry about that. That's a later me problem. 

Don't get me wrong, I think their are a lot of great kids out there and some bad ones too, but it's just not for me. I have friends that are insanely good parents and I love hanging out with them and their kids. And I have friends who do want kids someday and I support them in every single way. I will be there for every major event for my sister if/when she has kids and be the best aunt ever. But, please don't mistake that as me filling a void in my life or somehow I feel lacking. I'm not. I'm just super cool.  Appreciate me as I am and don't make me feel inadequate or pity me for not having the ability to have children. I'm just as I should be.  I've been through enough thanks. Women want few things in life but none more than the power of rights of their bodies and deeper pockets on jeans. 

I do have lots of great things happening too though-My tomato plants are absolutely killing it. They are so tall. My pride and joy truly- along with my lettuce and spinach. I'm living my best gardening life. Growing stuff you can eat. Flowers are pretty and all, but not tasty. I'm over here trying to decide what to pair my steak with, not wondering what to put in a vase.  I can't wait to get my squash planted soon! Honestly, tomorrow is my first morning off in a few weeks, I might start the seeds indoors tomorrow. It brings me such grounded inner peace to grow stuff. Knowing you did that. Kind of like breaking horses-you get the reward of knowing that all the things they know and do is because you are in their life. It's super rewarding. You can't eat them like veggies but you can threaten to turn them into shepherd's pies if they don't act right. 

It's been a year since we lost Darby already and that's the whole driving force behind me starting this blog. I can't believe how fast it went and what a wild ride it's been. My mom and Maggie have been doing great things and they have adjusted to each other nicely. It's a big change to get a whole new partner but they are taking it all in stride. We miss you Darby Doodle, don't get me wrong, but the Darby Derby is here because of your loss and that is such a great addition to our show roster. Life has a way of working out in the most unexpected of ways.

Sorry that got a bit deep there for a second, but I had a lot of passion and zeal on tonight's subjects and I could go for hours. I'd love to put less energy into fighting for my body and woman's rights and more into selling wine, riding ponies, growing food and driving Lucas nuts but there's only so much time in a day. And wine has been frustrating lately as I feel like I have been giving it a ton of effort and am not seeing the outcome I want but momma didn't raise a quitter and I'm stubborn as hell. All things in time. Until then, picture me with my butt on the ground holding my teacup of food, laughing, because that's all one can do when things seem too ridiculous to be real.  All in a days work, Ali, because good things come to those who work hard and drink wine.